Balled To The Wall
by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: Working at Wal-Mart is definitely hell, especially if you're Justin. Inside those doors are some of the most craziest, yet random occurrences that could ever happen. But suddenly, Justin begins to realize that it may not be a bad thing after all. Will also include characters from TDPI. SPOILERS INCLUDED FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN PAKITHEW ISLAND!
1. Chapter 1

**"Balled to the Wall"**

**Rated M for strong language, sexual content and random situations  
**

**Summary: Working at Wal-Mart is definitely hell, especially if you're Justin. Inside those doors are some of the most craziest, yet random occurrences that could ever happen. But suddenly, Justin begins to realize that it may not be a bad thing after all.  
**

**List of pairings: I'm not telling ya who they are, but you'll find out later in the story.  
**

**Disclaimer: I for once, do not and I repeat, do not own the entire Total Drama series or Wal-Mart itself. Total Drama and its characters are owned by FreshTV, Jennifer Pertsch, and Tom McGillis. Just to let you know, Total Drama never happened, but the characters still met each other. For a quick addition, the new characters from Total Drama: Pakithew Island will be in this story. Just in case if you haven't read any spoilers for the upcoming Part 2 of Season 5, be warned.  
**

**P.S.: Everyone in this story will be 18.  
**

* * *

_**Chapter 1**_

* * *

The feelings of wheels rolling through the hard pavement.

The sound of 1970's rock blasting through the speakers of a car studio.

All mixed with a smile upon a certain hunk's face. He was definitely smiling on the outside, but on the inside, this was a total waste of time.

This was a waste of time for Justin Reid.

He was the hottest hunk back at his high school. Women wanted to be with him and guys wanted to be just like him. He was always nice to everyone in the school regardless if they were either beautiful or ugly. He always followed the rules, and he knew how to make friends. So far, he was one of the most popular students ever.

But despite being a nice guy on the outside, he was nothing more of a narcissist on the inside. That guy was always concerned about getting his looks ruined. He always wanted to stay beautiful without any flaw around his face or body. Only the slightest amount of damage to his face, whenever caused by a speck of dust or even one teeny-tiny paper cut would send Justin over the brink. No wonder even one girl wanted to go out with him or have a serious relationship with him!

It was all because Justin was in love with himself.

For all the jobs he had, Justin had zero workplace experience. None. Zip. Nada.

During his days in high-school, Justin had jobs as a fast food employee, pizza boy, and even as a cell phone salesman. All three of the jobs he had ended in total disaster.

While he was working at KFC, he was so distracted by his good looks from the shiny cash register when a splash of hot chicken oil got him in the cheek. It forced Justin to freak out and go on a rampage, knocking down every cup and customer in sight (due to the fact that he couldn't see). The manager had no choice but to fire him for the good of the restaurant. Justin had suffered first degree burns to his precious face, which cost him a month or two to recover.

At his second job, he worked at Domino's Pizza as a pizza delivery boy. It was easy for him since the job allowed him to take things a little slower now that he didn't work anywhere near hot oil. But when it came to his first day, he did horrible. Especially when he tried to deliver a pizza to an elderly old man. But all Justin did was piss the old man's dog off. Justin tried to get rid of the dog with all of his might, but the dog chomped his butt, which forced him to freak out and spill the pizza to the floor. The old man complained about Justin's cowardly problem, and because of his unfortunate adventure, Justin was immediately fired on the spot.

As a cell phone salesman, Justin thought that the third time would be the charm. At least with him being a cell phone salesman working inside Boost Mobile, he would have no worries about getting hurt on the job. But something got in his way.

His beautiful reflection.

Especially when he looked at himself in one of the shiny silver cell phone cases. The spark of his teeth was so strong that it blinded a customer in the eyes. The blinded customer then bumped into another customer and it engaged into a fist fight. The violence and the fist-fighting was so intense that Justin ended up taking off in the middle of his job. Luckily, he managed to remain unscathed, but he was once again fired.

So far, Justin's mother and aunt were sick of his cowardice, clumsiness and narcissism during work. It was about learning the value of a dollar, not having to whine and complain about getting his looks ruined. Justin needed some money bad enough to pay for modeling school, which cost like an assload of $10,000! Quite frankly, the two women in Justin's life decided they had enough of his bullshit, but decided to give him one more chance to make a difference in the work environment.

The reason Justin took this long drive was that he would drive up to his new workplace. The only kind of place where his mother and aunt told Justin to get an application for. The Hawaiian hunk looked up to this hellish structure and looked up the two words he would only expect.

_Wal-Mart._

"Well, this is the place, I guess. Wouldn't hurt to try a decent parking space." Justin sighed.

He looked to the left and saw an empty parking space standing before him. It was perfect and not to mention that it was closer to the store.

With such ease, Justin pulled over while looking over to the parking space, and sent his car in reverse. So far, so good.

But when he got to the space however...

_*CRASH!*_

The front end of Justin's car was rammed over by a Corvette, driven by a blind old man with poor eye coordination. The collision forced Justin to hit smack dab in the window with his face imprinted in the shield. Obviously, the blind man had poor driving skills.

"Agh! Damn retarded 6-year old's!" The blind old man angrily shouted, backing up his car.

After a few minutes, the car that the old man was driving in finally left the parking lot. Justin finally regained consciousness, only to feel something leaking on the top of his forehead.

Shuddering to death, Justin slowly checked his forehead, and freaked out at what he saw:

A speck of blood dripping from Justin's left forehead.

"Holy crap, it's blood! Not good at all!" Justin exclaimed in terror.

Trying to get rid of his panic attack, Justin quickly dove in the glove box, searching for a band-aid. The damage was only tiny, concerning that it was only a teeny tiny drop of blood.

After seconds of searching throughout the Twizzlers and family photos, Justin managed to find the band-aid box. He opened it up and got a fresh cloth out. Trying to take it easy on his picture-perfect forehead, Justin stuck the band-aid on there tightly, absorbing the little trinkle of blood.

"There we go. That should take care of it..." Justin sighed in relief.

However, when he finally got out of the car, Justin looked around the right side of his car...

...

...only to find a huge dent caused by the blind man's Corvette. It was so huge and wide that a small meteorite would crash into it, but yet the car would still stay intact.

"Oh good god, Mom's not gonna like that..." Justin sighed in defeat.

Trying to forget about his looks and his mess of a car, Justin managed to walk inside the confided structure that was the Wal-Mart supercenter.

Justin took in the surroundings and smelled the breath of fresh air that surrounded this place. This wasn't like one of those ordinary supercenters to be honest. It had everything that the usual Wal-Mart's didn't have. It had jacuzzi's, a mini pet-store, a beauty salon, a game room, a photo store, Subway, and even a candy shop. Heck, the store even had a nice neighborhood market with the freshest foods ever to come out of planet Earth! And not to mention the air conditioning that was sending cool waves to Justin's entire body.

Maybe working in this place wouldn't be such a bad idea for Justin after all...

...

...

...or was it?

The Hawaiian was distracted by the cool air to notice a flying object gliding towards his forehead. Luckily, a voice came out of nowhere and warned him.

"LOOK OUT, MATE!"

Justin was so alarmed by the scream that he looked to the right...

...and saw a boomerang flying towards him!

Letting out a girly shriek, Justin managed to duck just in time for the boomerang to fly over him. He popped back up, dusting his brilliant physique off nicely.

The worker who helped him out happened to be around Justin's age (which was 18). She had a bit of an Australian accent, decked out in a Crocodile Dundee hat, and wore some impressive outdoor boots. Not to leave out the short black pony tail, her smooth black skin, and those shiny legs of hers that shone in the light thanks to those hot pants of hers. She was quite the looker despite being the adventurous type of woman.

Feeling relieved, Justin thanked her on the spot.

"Thanks for warning me, miss!" Justin shouted.

"You might wanna duck down, mate. It's flying right at ya." The nameless worker warned.

"What's flying right at-"

Before Justin could finish that sentence...

_*WHACK!*_

The boomerang nailed Justin in the back of the head, knocking him flat on his face! Alarmed, the unnamed worker went to go check up on him.

Justin didn't manage to stay down for so long however. After a few minutes of blacking-out, the handsome Hawaiian's eyes managed to open back up, which showed the image of the attractive worker tending to his aid.

"No, mom. I don't want the creepy drug dealer trying to get his way with me again..." Justin said, feeling dazed and confused of what went on.

"Oh, good. You're back on your feet. Almost lost ya at the last second, mate." She said, rubbing his shoulders.

He backed away from her, only to shake his senses off. After that, Justin felt the nagging pain from the back of his head.

"What the hell was that?" Justin said.

"Oh, ya gotta apologize, mate," The female worker said, picking up the boomerang which laid across her feet. "That was my trusty boomerang Shirley. She can be a strong one at times, but she can be aggressive in the air. He took ya down like a bloody hockey player, mate!"

"Great, I may need two band-aids now..." Justin whined while still holding his head.

Just exactly how many times must he endure taking one in his pretty face, or his beautifully crafted skull?

Trying his best to absorb the pain, Justin managed to introduce himself to the Aussie. "By the way, my name's Justin Reid."

"Justin, huh? Name's Jasmine, mate! But some people call me 'Jade' for short." Jasmine said, shaking his hand.

"I kinda like your accent. You come from Australia?" Justin chuckled.

"I used to, but I came here to Canada when I was about a wee youngster, only 12 years old." Jasmine replied as she felt the strong grip of Justin's hand, "I just started working here in the last two months. I'm about to head for college soon and I don't want my fellow mates dragging me down dealing with shit like this day and night."

"I see that," Justin chuckled once again, quickly forgetting about the pain he suffered while coming here. "Anyway, I'm looking for an application. Any idea you can find one around here?"

"Oh, you'll have to look it up with our assistant manager Topher." Jasmine responded, "He's the one in charge, mate. If you want, I can take you to him."

"I would so love that." Justin smiled.

"Come with me, then." Jasmine smiled as well.

They started walking down to the assistant manager's office with Justin leading behind her. In the process, Justin began looking at the one place he never expected to look other than herself:

Her butt. No wonder it looked so much tight with the hot pants she was wearing. Justin would've been aching to get a grab of Jasmine's ass, but he didn't want to get his hands dirty on his first day. Besides, doing that would be considered sexual harassment in the workforce.

_"Damn. Her ass is as hot as mine. So jealous right now..."_ Justin thought in comparison.

_**-The assistant manager's office-**_

Inside the assistant manager's office came a voice speaking through the phone. The entire room was decked out with pictures of the assistant manager's favorite role model/Wal-Mart owner, Chris McLean. The aroma of iced coffee filled throughout this room, and onto another man's nostrils, which happened to be the assistant manager himself. He was kicking back in his office chair, listening to the sweet sounds of the 1970's rock group America on his personal iPod player.

"Yeah, everything's going great." The manager said on the phone, "Not one accident has been reported so far. No, I haven't got the fruitcake yet, Mom. It's only the middle of June. Besides, isn't it early to be giving out fruitcakes this time of year? No one's gonna wanna eat them, even if they have to wait until December. That's why it tastes like ass. Just pure unadulterated ass that no one wants to eat."

However, the assistant manager was cut off by Jasmine, who walked in the door.

"Hey, mate! I got a fresh one!" Jasmine exclaimed.

"I'll call you back, and please don't send me that ass-flavored fruitcake, you know I hate that!" He said on the phone for the last time before hanging up and turning to the new employee standing before him, greeting him with open arms. "Well well well, you must be the guy your parents told me about."

"What's up with your hair? It looks like you wiped it back with peanut oil." Justin chuckled, joking around the assistant manager's hairdo. It was brown and wavy, having it sway back in the cold air.

"I happen to take pride in my hair, thank you very much," The manager replied. "By the way, name's Topher. I run this shit-hole of a store. Have a seat, will ya?"

After he took a seat, Justin took a seat as well.

"Hey Jade, fetch me another cup of coffee, I got a live one." Topher spoke to Jasmine.

But before the Aussie could reply, she was cut off by the static coming through her walkie-talkie. Alarmed, she answered the call.

"Okay, what's going on this time, mate?" Jasmine said.

_"There seems to be a plumpy middle age woman stuck in the toilets inside the girl's bathroom. Can you come by, please?"_

"I'm on my way, mate," Jasmine responded, hanging up the walkie-talkie. "I hate it when those flabby women get stuck in those toilets. Ya ever check what the women's bathrooms smell like in there? It's like broccoli, dead guys, and a roadkill skunk combined! Gotta go, mates!"

But before Jasmine could take off, she looked at Justin one last time.

"If you have any problems mate, ya know where to find me! G'Day!" Jasmine winked at the Hawaiian.

"Yeah, ta-ta to you too..." Justin muttered sarcastically.

As soon as the black Aussie left with a crowbar in hand, Justin was left to deal with the assistant manager, who brought out a clipboard.

"So, you here to find an application, huh?" Topher raised an eyebrow.

"Sure. My name's Justin Reid and I-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I already know your name, you don't need me to go over with the life story," Topher cut him off rudely, "Listen up. Applications are for turdburglars. You ever ask for an application, than that makes you a grade-A turdburglar, my friend."

Justin was really confused at first, "But I'm really certain in places like this, you have to ask for an applicat-"

"Well, that makes you a turdburglar then," Topher said, cutting him off again, "The only way you want a job here is for me to ask you these questions. When I ask you a question, you answer. You got that?"

"Sure. Ask away." Justin nodded.

"Okay, question number one. Where were you born?"

"I was born in Hawaii, but I was raised here in Canada." Justin answered.

Looking at both Justin and the clipboard, Topher quickly made up his decision.

"You got the job, then!" Topher exclaimed.

"I did?" Justin said in a surprised expression, "Aren't you sure you don't wanna tell me more?"

"I'm very certain I don't," Topher shook his head. "One question is all it takes to work here. The rest of those Wal-Marts across the globe can go suck horsedick. It's like you get invited to a secret club somewhere in the middle of town, and all they tell you is what's the password. You give them the password, and you're automatically in."

"It's weird when you put it that way..." Justin muttered.

"Weird is how we like it," Topher chuckled, "Just ask this guy behind my office chair."

Suddenly, Topher pointed up to the picture of their boss, Chris McLean, who looked very dapper with his smile. Justin was confused yet again.

"Dude, that's nothing but a picture." Justin commented.

"Duh, turdburglar." Topher said in reflection, "That's the picture of the greatest man ever in business, Chris McLean. When that Ram Dalton dude died, he gave all of his profits and position to Chris himself, and at 24 years old nonetheless! I admired what he did for the place. He was always nice to the customers, he always maintained a positive attitude, and he could drank anyone under the table! Of course, that's on the outside. But on the inside, he makes rude sexual gestures at everyone, cusses in front of kids, and once again, he can drink anyone under the table. Once in his life, he even got away with sexual harassment. Not many people can maintain their popularity and position as president with an accusation like that."

'Lucky bastard..." Justin muttered under his lips.

"And _lucky bastard_ he is, my friend," Topher chuckled, "I can't wait to be like my hero someday. When he retires, I'll be the one to take Wal-Mart to new heights. Heck, I could even open up a Wal-Mart in the moon if I please. If it's good enough for me, it's good enough for Chris."

Meanwhile, Justin looked through the window and noticed some of the workers at the check-out area wearing their trusty blue work vests.

"Uh-huh..." Justin said, "Anyway, do I get a work vest like them?"

"You're in luck, turdburglar." Topher smirked, "Some smelly fatass quit about 30 minutes ago. You're more than welcome to use his if you want."

In the process, Topher got out of his chair and looked into his personal office cabinet. From there, he pulled out an extra blue vest with the nametag labeled 'Bertie' on it.

"Catch." Topher said, giving the vest to Justin.

"Thanks," Justin said, thanking him.

But then, he noticed a little bit of a foul stench coming from the vest itself.

"Um, Topher. This smells like eggs." Justin said as his nose cringed.

"You gotta apologize for that, man. Every time we get new workers, we've get vests that smell like eggs." Topher honestly told him.

Trying not to make his stomach cringe, Justin put on the vest. Sure he looked a bit weirded out by the smell, but nevertheless, it was actually that comfy when put on.

"Well, this actually feels good." Justin said, feeling at home with the vest he had on.

"I'm glad you think so, my friend," Topher replied, finally noticing the bandage on Justin's forehead. "Um, any idea with the bandage on your forehead?"

"Long story." Justin clearly explained, "Some blind old fart rammed into me at the parking lot, and I had blood leaked out of me like a toilet."

During Justin's explanation, Topher dug into the cabinet for something to drink.

"Yeah, those things happen," Topher nodded, "Sometimes, they can sneak out from behind and give you a collision you'll want to remember for the rest of your life. It's almost like having to be sexually molested. Apparently, nothing good can come out of it."

In process of things, Topher poured down a bottle of sparkling champagne onto his martini glass. From there, he handed Justin a glass.

"Care for a drink?" Topher replied,

"Not really, I'm not much of a drinker since I'm a bit around 19," Justin explained very clearly, "What about you? You're way too young to be drinking!"

"Like it matters, dude." Topher chuckled while kicking back in his chair, "Chris gave me this rare expensive bottle of champagne until I turned 21. No way in hell am I waiting!"

"I guess your utter stupidity outmatches your brain," Justin muttered yet again. "Anyway, when do I start?"

"You start now, turdburglar." Topher replied, still sipping on his champagne glass.

"Okay, but do I start as a cashier or what?" Justin shrugged his shoulders.

"Since I like you enough not to suck balls, you can work on the electronics section today," Topher decided clearly, "You'll be working with two other people I highly give a shit about."

"Alright, I guess I'll get to my station then..." Justin sighed as he got out of his chair.

But before Justin could leave the office, the assistant manager gave out final words of his own.

"If you need anything, don't call." Topher chuckled, "Just come by my office. I'll be here masturbating 'til then."

"Yeah, I didn't need to hear that..." Justin muttered, feeling a bit disturbed by Topher's comment.

After Justin's departure, Topher laid back on his favorite leather chair and closed the blinds so that no one could see him.

"Now this is paradise..." Topher sighed, taking a sip of his champagne.

But before he could fully enjoy the taste, his walkie-talkie vibrated, indicating that Jasmine was calling him. Sighing heavily, Topher pulled it out of his pocket and spoke.

"Yeah, I'm masturbating, who is this?" Topher spoke.

_"I'm gonna need another crowbar, mate!"_ Jasmine said through the static, _"I tried to latch the fat woman out of the toilet, but her fat sucked up the rest of what was left of the crowbar!"_

"Oh, damn it..." Topher muttered to himself, "All right, I'll be right there..."

As he hung up his walkie-talkie, Topher went to his cabinet again and brought out another crowbar.

"Oh, this job is shits for the birds..." He said rolling his eyes as he left the office.

Meanwhile, Justin looked around for the electronics section.

But just to alarm himself, he looked both ways, hoping not to get his pretty head taken off by a inanimate flying object. There was no way it was gonna happen to him twice. Justin needed to keep his beautiful face intact for the rest of the day.

"There's no reason to worry yourself, Justin." The Hawaiian spoke to himself, "Worrying only causes wrinkles..."

Justin kept on walking section after section. Somehow, this Wal-Mart was huger compared to the other Wal-Marts in the United States, except this one in Canada was much larger than expected. No wonder with such wide space in an empty lot, it made this Wal-Mart supercenter look much more than the Mall of America!

After searching through the sports section, the clothing section and the baby aisle, he managed to find the electronics section of the store.

"Finally, I made it..." Justin sighed.

He got himself closer and closer to the electronics aisle, but as soon as he made it...

...he stopped to see the only two people he was gonna work with.

_"Oh no, not them..."_ Justin thought as he groaned, _"Anything but them!"_

* * *

**Well well well, how will Justin's first day on the job turn out? And which two people could Justin not be happy about to work with?  
**

**Anyway you look at it, it won't be good. Until then, the next chapter will be coming soon, so feedback is appreciated!  
**

**P.S.: I could also use some help getting some new ideas for later chapters as well. So if you're looking to co-write with me, I'd like that! If not, that's okay. At least send me some ideas!  
**

**P.P.S.: The 'Ram Dalton' dude that Topher mentioned is a parody of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton, who of course, was born and raised in the state where I'm from, which is Arkansas. Just to let all of y'all know!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**"Balled to the Wall"**

**Rated M for strong language, sexual content and random situations  
**

**Summary: Working at Wal-Mart is definitely hell, especially if you're Justin. Inside those doors are some of the most craziest, yet random occurrences that could ever happen. But suddenly, Justin begins to realize that it may not be a bad thing after all.  
**

**List of pairings: So far, we have Geoff/Bridgette, Topher/Jasmine (my new favorite fanon couple from TD:PI) and Alejandro/Heather (my least favorite couple of all time)  
**

**Disclaimer: I for once, do not and I repeat, do not own the entire Total Drama series or Wal-Mart itself. Total Drama and its characters are owned by FreshTV, Jennifer Pertsch, and Tom McGillis. Just to let you know, Total Drama never happened, but the characters still met each other. For a quick addition, the new characters from Total Drama: Pakithew Island will be in this story. Just in case if you haven't read any spoilers for the upcoming Part 2 of Season 5, you were warned.  
**

**P.S.: Everyone in this story will be 18.  
**

* * *

_**Chapter 2**_

* * *

Disappointment set in for Justin. Apparently, the last two people Justin would see in the first place standing before him...

...

...

...was Heather and Alejandro.

Deep down, Justin couldn't stand this couple. Apparently, Justin thought that a hunk like him would be able get the most gorgeous, yet most popular girl in the school. And who could blame him? Heather had the looks, the smarts, the brain. Heck, she even had a sexy body to boot. Of course, Justin was very positive that she'd be with her.

Unfortunately, Heather wasn't very interested in a vain narcissist like Justin. That's when Alejandro came onto the scene and stole Justin's entire mojo away from him. The Spanish casanova was definitely unlike Justin in every way. He was sarcastic, rude, heartless, and like Justin, he was that beautiful and handsome. Suddenly, Heather happened to like a guy who was bad and stunning as Alejandro. And Justin hated it so.

What Justin really hated more about the couple was the fact they kept making out. It was getting on his nerves, as much as Alejandro and Heather were doing now. And not to mention in front of the customers, as well!

"Please tell me I'm not working with the both of you..." Justin groaned.

Justin's voice finally brought Heather and Alejandro to his attention. However, Heather and Al weren't happy to see him at all.

"Oh great," Heather snarled, "Who invited the noob?"

"Apparently, Topher hired him." Alejandro sighed.

"What on earth do you even want, Justin?" Heather said, placing her hand on her hips.

"A shotgun if I ever need one." Justin replied, "I'm actually here to work with you, and mostly him."

"I never get tired of seeing you fail a job." Alejandro smirked, "I bet I know where this is gonna turn out for you. There's gonna be some shiny object walking around here, and the last thing you know, you're out there trying to run at your little reflection like a little chihuahua, while one slight problem could break you in half. But don't be mad, you'd be cute having to run around your own tail when you least expect it, amigo."

Justin hated that insult deep down like he hated him.

"You know who never got tired, Al?" Justin smirked.

"Who?" Alejandro raised an eyebrow.

"Your mom after I was done with her last night." The Hawaiian smirked.

"Why you-!" Alejandro said, trying to charge after him.

Unluckily for Al, Heather managed to hold him back, much to Justin's safety.

"You're lucky I was gonna let that one pass!" Alejandro shouted at him.

"Fine, can we just get to work already?" Justin sighed, "And don't even think about making out in front of me. Every time I see you suck face with Heather, I have the highest chance of cringing inside my stomach. And when I cringe, I get a bigger chance of forming wrinkles around my face. And who in the heck wants that?"

"Relax, Justin." Heather spat out, "We weren't gonna even do that anyway."

"Good." The Hawaiian nodded.

As soon as they got inside the huge podium full of cameras and cell phones, Justin dusted himself off.

But as he was busy getting prepared, Alejandro and Heather started making-out behind Justin. Hearing those irritating smooching sounds, Justin decided to warn them.

"What did I just get through telling you?" Justin shrugged.

"About that, Justin..." Heather replied, "We lied!"

Laughing at the Hawaiian's face, the queen bee and the latin casanova continued their little make-out session, much to Justin's misery.

"Well, this sucks big time..." Justin sighed.

* * *

Around the outdoor section of the store, an 18-year old teen dressed in an orange vest with a white sweat-shirt and a green beanie cap was busy reading out a magazine based on nothing but the zombie apocalypse. Along with him was another employee, who was also reading a book as well. He was dressed in a blue shirt, which was covered by a red vest, and decked out in the usual blue work vest. From the look of these two employees, they didn't look too thrilled to be here.

Minding their business, the beanie-cap teen looked to the big-headed brainiac.

"Hey Noah," The survivalist said, "What's a better game, 'Left 4 Dead' or 'Dead Island'?"

"Do I really give a crap what you think, Shawn?" Noah raised an eyebrow at him, "None, because I would rather be dead myself than to think about zombies."

"Your loss, man." Shawn smirked, "When they do come, I hope they make gumbo out of your cock."

"Heh, I doubt it." Noah scoffed.

While they were reading, a middle aged-man with a balding head approached the counter.

"Um, excuse me..." The customer said.

Looking up to the middle-ager, Noah and Shawn put their books down and turned to each other.

"You wanna take this one?" Noah replied.

"I rather coin toss instead." Shawn suggested.

"Oh heck no, I'm not doing that damn heads and tails thing!" Noah complained constantly.

"Well, I like doing it heads and tails!" declared Shawn.

"Every time we do a coin toss, I get punched the first thing when that coin gets flipped in the air!" Noah cried out again.

"I promise you, I won't do that." Shawn smirked, "Cross my heart and hope to die that I won't do it this time."

"Yeah, right." Noah scoffed at Shawn's expense, "Why in the hell should I trust you?"

"Just trust me!" Shawn nodded.

"Fuck you, I ain't doing it!" The brainiac snapped.

Apparently, the middle aged customer with a bald head was growing tense and impatient between Noah and Shawn's constant bickering.

* * *

Meanwhile, Topher and Jasmine were busy walking out of the girl's bathroom feeling exhausted and beat. Apparently, it was from having to latch a fat woman off the toilet. After 20 tries of trying, they finally got the woman out.

"Thank goodness she's out of there, mate..." Jasmine sighed.

"Next time, I'm getting a fuckin' forklift." Topher reminded her.

As they were walking, Topher felt his stomach rumble. Almost as if his gut was suffering some sort of intestinal earthquake. It was actually a sign of hunger.

"I'm feelin' hungry." Topher replied, "Wanna get some lunch?"

"It ain't even lunch time, mate." Jasmine reminded him.

"Fuck it, any time is lunch time." Topher smirked, "I'm the assistant manager here, bitch."

The two then walked inside a Subway _(the Supercenter kind)_ where they saw the town's party boy Geoff, alongside his surfer girl-friend Bridgette, making out in front of a huge silver bread cabinet.

"Having fun with the tongue sex, I see." Topher smirked.

His remarks forced Geoff and Bridgette to lose their focus for once and turned to both the assistant manager and Jasmine.

"Sorry brah, since this place is hardly a ghost town, all we do is make out just to kill time." Geoff informed him.

"It's actually true." Bridgette nodded, "I heard public make-outs are the perfect way to spice up relationships."

"That'll be a perfect display for all the kids to see." Topher smirked again.

"So, what's it gonna be this time?" Geoff said, getting the rest of the bread out of the cabinet.

"I'm not sure," Topher said, right before turning to Jasmine, "What do you think?"

"I don't know either." Jasmine said, shaking her head, "I'm still trying to get that damn broccoli smell coming from the _loo_, mate."

While both Topher and Jasmine were busy deciding on what to eat, an old lady came up to the assistant manager and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me..." The old lady said.

"Not now, ma'am." Topher said, ignoring the old bat.

"But I really need help!" The old lady pleaded, "Some young punk stole my purse and I want it back."

"Ma'am, if you have a problem, get some help." Topher said to the old bat, before looking back to the menu.

"But I _am_ asking for help, you gotta do something about this!" The old lady pleaded again.

However, all of her pleading forced Topher to lose his patience. Because of this, he turned to the old lady and shouted, yet kept his cool.

"Look, ma'am..." Topher growled, gritting his teeth tightly, "I love to be a fucking workhorse and all, but I'm on break! If you lost your purse, then go buy another one. All right?!"

"I would, but my money's in my purse!" The old lady whined, "Please get it for me, sonny!"

"Can't do it, I'm on break." Topher smirked, turning his back on the old lady.

"Fine, see if I care, you old shit!" The old lady snapped at him before finally walking off to get some help.

Unfortunately, the argument forced Topher to suffer a jet-lag around his brain. Thanks to the grouchy old lady, Topher couldn't decide what he wanted on his sandwich.

"Oh, great." Topher groaned, "Now I don't have any idea what I want."

"_Veg out_, mate." Jasmine smirked, "I already got that handled."

It was then that Geoff managed to hand them those tasty meatball marinara sandwiches. Just the whiff of that tomato sauce, covered in those tasty meaty meatballs, and that gooey melty white cheese slathering all over those banana peppers made Topher's taste buds sizzle. He couldn't wait to chow down on that first bite.

"Jasmine, you are a goddess!" Topher said in glee.

"Thank Geoff and Bridgette, they made it just for you." She said, patting Topher on the shoulder.

"Yeah yeah yeah," Topher said, swatting her off, "I know just what to do now."

Clenching his sandwich tightly, the assistant manager turned to one of the employees far away, mainly the uber-nerd known as Harold.

"HEY HAROLD!" Topher shouted.

'Yeah?" Harold said.

But then suddenly, Topher threw the meatball sub high in the air...

...

...

...and whacked Harold right in the face, knocking the nerd down on his ass. Topher, Jasmine and Geoff were laughing their ass off while Bridgette looked at Topher with frustration setting on her face. However, as Harold wiped the sauce off of him, he looked around to a laughing Topher and began screaming angrily.

"YOU'RE A FUCKING DICK, TOPHER!" The nerd shouted out, "IDIOT!"

"Relax, Harold." Topher replied, "The tomato sauce wears off!"

As a tomato sauce-soaked Harold marched to the bathroom in rage, Bridgette gave Topher one nasty death glare.

"Really, Topher?" Bridge raised her eyebrow.

"Ah, calm down." Topher smirked again, "It's more fun to throw sandwiches at random people when they least expect it. Chris McLean taught me that, you know."

Bridgette then scoffed in pity, "Yeah, I bet he did. Apparently, he's taught you way too much..."

* * *

**Wow, this was the hardest chapter I ever thought of. Anyway...  
**

**Will Justin try to endure Heather and Alejandro's little make-out session long enough to make it to the first day?**

**Who will help out the old man? Noah or Shawn?**

**Is Topher gonna be a troll to every body in the next chapter?**

**Find out after this! ^_^**


End file.
